DJ at the lake, Kodak Pony 135

I’ve given this blog a lot of thought over the past week. Why do I do this? What am I getting out of it? Where do I want to take it in the future?

I started writing here after the birth of my last child. I had seven kids under the age of twelve, three still at home. We were going through a traumatic custody battle. My life was full of drama. Court dates. Police reports. Every day was a struggle to maintain some sort of normalcy for the kids. It isn’t surprising that my content consisted mainly of memes and complaints. I needed the support of the blogging community because I was overwhelmed. I felt comfortable writing about the difficulties because my kids didn’t have access to the internet and they were too young to care.

As time went by, things settled down. I wrote more the good stuff… the kids and daily life in our family. My primary audience was my extended family and people in similar situations [blended or large families]. The problem was that as I grew, so did my kids. I now have girls in high school, with access to the internet and friends that check in on them. I don’t want to write about some of the more personal things because it bothers the girls. High school is hard enough without the added ‘Your MOM has a BLOG!’ thing.

So, here we are. I fully intended to take this site down, but something Kim said made me think. “We’re just evolving!”  I’m changing. My life is changing. Shouldn’t this blog change with me? I’m at a point in my life where, in just a few short months, I won’t have any kids at home during the day. I will have options. Opportunity. I could get a job, or go back to school. I’m starting to think about what I want to do and not what I have to do. That’s a good feeling. But the sense of excitement and possibility wouldn’t make sense without knowing the journey I’ve been through. The little victories would be meaningless out of context. Instead of forgetting where I’ve been, I’m going to embrace it, accept it and move on.

I’ll still be writing about the family, but there may be times I password protect posts. I will continue writing about photography because that is where my interest lies. I plan to write more about the world around me, my observations and things that I want to remember. In other words, this blog will become more about me as a person and less about me as a mom.

I hope that you will continue with me on this journey…

This blogging thing is tricky. On one hand, I want to give an honest account of my reality. What is the purpose of sharing if I censor myself? On the other hand, there are other people involved in my life… people who don’t necessarily want their lives documented online. For everything I share, there is much more left unsaid: the story behind the story that makes it all make sense. When I started this blog, I wrote about a lot of things I wouldn’t think about posting today. I have learned to edit myself in order to respect others.

I want to be right. [Don’t we all?!] When I feel slighted or someone makes me angry, it would be so easy to vent here. I’m sure I would get a few comments encouraging me. But at what cost? I’m learning, slowly but surely, that damage done to another comes back to the source. Karma’s a bitch.

I was searching for an old password for the child support website and came across an email exchange between me and Mike’s ex. I was appalled at what I had written. Yes, it was all true. Every accusation and prediction I made came to pass. And the things she had written to me were just as bad or worse. But what was the point? All the bickering did nothing to solve the problem. Five years later, the hurt and anger is still there. I regret not using better judgment and a little bit of self control. I was more worried about being right than I was about being kind.

I’ve grown up a bit since then.

If you are reading my blog, please don’t jump to conclusions based solely on what I’ve written here. Don’t assume that you know everything because I’ve shared something. This blog is a shadow of my life, a vague outline determined by the placement of the light. There is so much more to me than this.

“Beware that you do not lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.” Aesop

Shadow of the Branch on flickr: set | slideshow

The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number. Not three.

Eight Obscure Things About Me:

1. I have done several versions of this meme: Four Things, Five Things and Six Things. It annoys me that the powers that be skipped seven and moved on to eight. Or did the Seven Things meme happen without me knowing?


2. Seven is my favorite number.


3. The nicest thing my mother has ever said to me: “You aren’t trying to be a loving, kind, forgiving person. You are one.”


4. Once, in a casino, a dealer asked me if Mike and I were married or just dating. When I asked why, he said that Mike had pointed me out but referred to me as ‘his lover’. That made me happy.


5. I dislike hickeys. But I find it funny that there is an instruction manual.


6. I will be turning 35 in a few months. [October 1st, if you want to start planning now] I wish I had more to show for the time I’ve spent on this earth.


7. I wish I had the nerve to take more photos of strangers.


8. I love quotes, like this one that has to do with #7: “Most things in life are moments of pleasure and a lifetime of embarrassment; photography is a moment of embarrassment and a lifetime of pleasure.” Tony Benn

You can blame this post on C and see her Eight Obscure Things here. I absolutely refuse to tag anyone, but please do this. If you do, leave your link in the comments so I can click, read and comment!

an oldie, but still a fave

Blogging isn’t just about writing. It is about reading and the interaction between the two. Comments, trackbacks, stats and links. Too often, I get caught up in posting and forget about the other side of the equation. Maybe that is why my comments have dwindled. No one likes to be ignored! Last week, I asked you to complete a survey and leave your links in the comments. I expected the number of participants to be pretty close in number. Not so. There were only five sites listed and thirty-eight surveys completed. When asked about content, most people wanted to see more photos. The second most popular subject was blended families, which surprised me. I haven’t been writing much about that lately. Thanks to everyone who participated. As promised, here is the short list of blogs and my thoughts:

In The Life Of
What can I say about C? She is the bomb. Seriously. Her blog is the perfect mix of personal stuff and pop culture. Every Sunday she shares music [right click and save].

So I’m still not quite at the point of laughter yet on my current situation but I’m going to tell you anyway (in a totally vague manner) because I have nothing else to talk about. My life is in a bit of a frenzy right now because I am dealing with a rather discussing situation that I will not be publicly disgusting because you are going to judge me (ARDSTIWNBPDBYAGTJM). I don’t know how or where I acquired such ARDSTIWNBPDBYAGTJM, but it has pretty much taken over my life in the last few days. I am such a sissy. [more]

Kimblahg
I don’t know how she does it. TRIPLETS? She deserves a medal. Or at the very least a couple of comments from you guys!

i’m done with harry potter and the deathly hallows. i started at 12:35 am Saturday and finished at 7:45 pm Sunday. during that time, i fed the triplets the kids breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, bathed the triplets twice, forced the kid to take a bath, bought some groceries, visited with my parents, drank three pots of coffee and picked up our storm damaged back yard. [more]

p.s. Kim: What’s up with your permalinks?

Heather aka K’vitsh
Ahhhh, my Canadian friend! I like this theme much more than the two column excerpt one. It is much easier to follow along.

They talk in that dumb girl yet I’m sassy and I’m cool ’cause I’m on Suicide Girls even though it’s owned by a man who’ll fuck me over if I ever piss him off.

Lots of “uhms” and “ahs”. Fucking dipshits. Truly. The more minutes pass, the more it’s apparent they did little research and spent more time practicing their cum laughs. [more]

The Road To Nowhere
Sounds like she has a lot going on in a good way. She has a great quote about Hollywood mothers, but you’ll have to click over to read it.

I don’t know if it is the massive amount of rain we have had or what but today I caught another mouse in the office adjacent to mine. Caught it! I saw it scurry under a desk and I put a sticky pad with a chunk of an Atkins bar in the middle of it. Funny thing is that it was stuck on the pad pointing away from the food! What does that say about the food?! Not even the vermin will eat it!!

Musings
It’s a small world! I follow Ro on flickr and twitter, but had no idea she visited here. The quote I’m sharing isn’t from her, but she posted it and I love it.

“To take a photograph is to align the head, the eye and the heart. It’s a way of life.” – Henri Cartier Bresson

She has a Hottie of the Week poll, complete with pictures. And she has fantastic freckles. I’m so jealous!